Not feeling well. Pretty much the exact opposite day from my ultra productive day on Tuesday. I did post, a lazy recap of our first cruise day. Right now I'm going for the quantity habit, not the quality habit. :)
Still, hoping for a more exciting entry (and day!) tomorrow.

Productivity Rock Star

Ha! This is so completely opposite of how I normally feel at the end of the day that I just had to blog about it. Generally I am very busy, but it's rare that I can actually pinpoint what I've accomplished at the end of a long tiring day. Today I didn't have anyplace I had to be and I hunkered down in my fleece sweats and got. things. done. Rob suggested that maybe I should wear sweats everyday...and mentioned that he needed a couple of things at Walmart as long as I was dressed for it. :)

Anyway, here's my list:

• 5:30 a.m. weight lifting with Robbie
• Made my bed
• Listened to a productivity webinar
• Figured out how to download transactions from credit card to budgeting software (HUGE, yes, welcome to this century :)
• Assigned categories to nine months of transactions
• Finally applied for marketplace health insurance (I have been totally dreading this! It wasn't nearly as painful as I expected it would be!)
• Picked up bread at Great Harvest (It's definitely not Walmart, I was conspicuous in my sweats, but I did at least change out of my slippers before going...I do have some standards.  :)
• Created a four-page agenda for YW presidency meeting + 2016 calendar (felt like a flight controller, figuring out so many schedules and details)
• Signed the girls up for a sports camp
• Confirmed reservations for Provo Temple open house
• Deleted dozens of emails
• Registered and synced the tile I got for Christmas
• All this, plus showering (I might wear sweats occasionally, but I draw the line at personal hygiene), driving kids, doing two loads of dishes, four loads of laundry, fixing three meals and being somewhat attentive to Joey while he spent the day throwing up and/or sleeping...

Not to mention blogging for the fifth day in a row! Gold star day.

Back to Real Life

A rude awakening to reality, starting at 5:40 a.m. for the boys, and not much later for the rest of us. The kids were all thrilled to go back to school (where is the sarcasm font when you need it?), and Rob had a busy day working. I spent four hours madly cleaning, then hosted my Monday lunch group, which used to be called "Game On" for this healthy tracking game we started, but got re-named "Better Than Before" today, in honor of the Gretchen Rubin book I've been reading. I obviously haven't really gotten back into the daily photography/blogging habit, or there would be a photo of us (Shaaron, Char, Candy, Deyanne, Christianne, Helen, Katrina, Naomi and I) enjoying our always awesome potluck salad, brainstorming the future of our group and doing a fun "favorite things" while elephant exchange (I gave a copy of Better Than Before and got a recipe for lentil soup with all the ingredients to make it). Then more cleaning and busy work in the afternoon, school pick up, homework routine, the usual...

Until about 4:20, when we headed to St. Vincent's. I took a few photos before it started getting busy. 

Here is what Ellie wrote about this experience for her service learning assignment in English earlier this year:

Every month, usually, my family goes to a food kitchen for the homeless called St. Vincent’s. The night before we spend a few hours making sandwiches to serve to them as well as soup, desert, several appetizers, and a cup of milk, juice, or water. We each pick something to serve (out of the thing they are serving, which varies constantly), and put it on the tray, which we pass down a rack, to the person who hands it to the homeless people. To get their meal, the homeless people line up outside and the person at the door gives them a ticket. They then get inside and put their ticket in a jar, and the person at the end of the rack gives them a tray full of food. Once we gave a man a whole pie! Not only is it service, but it’s really fun to do!

Tonight was especially exciting, when Rob was threatened by a tough looking guy after he told him that blankets weren't allowed inside. Luckily no follow through on that. It sure makes me appreciate coming home to a good meal and warm home.

Our Adventure is One-Third Over :(

Or, as you optimists like to say, another two-thirds left to enjoy. :)

A few more random thoughts at this point:

We're not on vacation. I know, hard to tell from what we've blogged so far. Our stay in Italy was a vacation. But Rob is still working, the kids are still have to study, and I still have to do the thousand things required to keep us all fed and clothed. We tried to settle into a pattern of exercise, then work, homework and housework, followed up by an outing in the afternoon, and an occasional three-day weekend. Still seems pretty cushy, I get that, but remember, this is the ideal, and the reality is that it takes way longer than it should to do the mundane but necessary stuff, so we've had to pare down our overly ambitious sightseeing list. Guess we'll just have to come back.

I will never, never, ever be "caught up." Not on this blog, not with laundry, nor with teaching my kids or studying myself. There's no so thing as "caught up" when it comes to exercising, reading, or being the mom. I know, this is a painfully obvious truth, and it's certainly not the first time I've had this realization. It's just that somewhere deep inside of me, I am a destination girl, not a "joy of the journey" person. I need to just get over it. And yet...

Procrastination never was happiness. Speaking of catching up, poor Robbie has spent the past week hunkered down, 10-12 hours a day, trying to finish his remaining online assignments before his finals on Tuesday. I don't think there was any intentional procrastination, just an underdeveloped sense of the time required to finish the work. He may come by this naturally, for which I sincerely apologize. It might even be genetic...my dad still makes lists that are pages long, and estimates that he'll whip through it by the end of the day. Sigh. Hopefully now we've got better sense as his parents, and won't put him behind with another two week vacation in Italy. Wait, did I just say that?!

People still trump places and things. I've said it before, and no doubt I'll say it again. We've seen some of the most beautiful countryside in the world here in the Loire Valley, and been on what we like to call the "Parade of Chateaux", but the highlight has definitely been the opportunity to reconnect with Pierre, Solonge, Christine and Cyril, and to meet Christine's family! She and her husband Lionel have four kids too, and her two oldest girls are Ellie and Ainsley's age. They LOVE Alexia and Emmeline, and Evane and Clément as well! I'm so excited to see Magali in two more weeks, and meet her kids too! Much more coming on the fun we've had together, I promise! Long walks, playing cards, learning petanque, trying the rider mower, delicious meals, jumping on the trampoline, going to a movie, the playground, school...not necessarily "tourist" things to do, but a little taste of real life, for which we are so lucky and grateful. We have been here for three and 1/2 weeks, it'll be four before we leave, can you imagine what a huge disruption to have a family of six foreigners living with you that long?!! Details can wait, but thanks can not. If only I could say this half as well in French!

You have to be willing to make a fool of yourself to learn a language. Immersion is definitely the way to learn a foreign language, and the younger, the better. I think this may be partly because kids aren't worried about what other people think of them quite so much. It has been awesome to watch the girls try and communicate with their new friends. They haven't learned much French (not really an immersion experience for them, since we speak English), but they use google translate on their iPods, and plenty of body language, and have a great time. Junior high kids might be at a serious disadvantage, being at that awkward age when everything is embarrassing. I have done my best to demonstrate by example what it means to look like an idiot in pursuit of communication though. :) Once we were at dinner, and I was trying to remember the word for "duck" and I simply flapped my arms and said "quack" in order to make myself understood. Learning to speak another language is a great way to stay (or become) humble. There's no waiting until you've got it perfect, or even passable...you just have to jump in and try. Luckily most people are super understanding and helpful when you do this. There is certainly a life lesson here. Who knows what we can achieve if we learn to let go of perfectionism and the need to impress others?

Maybe I could even learn to enjoy the journey and become an optimist. :)

Posted March 23, 2014. Backdated to keep the posts in the order they were posted.

Right Now

This blog has gone the way of every journal I've ever kept—serious lapses followed by a pathetic attempt to catch up. I hope I make it through the catching up, but in the meantime, here's a snapshot of life right now.

Ainsley is CONSTANTLY practicing handstands:

Rob told her that if she spent the same amount of time and energy practicing reading, she'd have finished the entire Harry Potter series by now. I'm thinking she could probably take over this list too. :)

And it's not just the camera perspective that makes that girl look long—she is so tall now! 

By the way, ignore the blog banner...it's definitely not Christmas right now!

Caution: Photos Ahead

Ah, the end of the school year. This is where the insanity that led to my nearly four-month blogging break began. So many activities that something had to give. We gave up a clean house, regular family meals, exercise, early bedtimes...I may have been able to squeeze a few posts in if only I'd been willing to let go a little on personal hygiene, but even I draw the line somewhere. So photo scrooges beware, this is a photo heavy catch-up post.

We managed to fit in a couple of games with our awesome neighbors—this year we tried kickball instead of softball. They could say jousting, and we'd show up, just because they're all so awesome.

May 14, 2012

I helped with a water polo team dinner, a new experience for me to try to feed that many hungry teenagers.

May 15, 2012

I attended my last (sniff) kindergarten Teddy Bear Picnic.

May 16, 2012

The kids had also prepared a reader's theater. Funny story here:

The first group of kids lined up to do theirs in the classroom, with the other kindergartners sitting on the rug in front of them. Near the end of the performance, one of the little girls standing began to projectile vomit. Guess where Ainsley was sitting? Yep, right in front of her. She was covered, but refused to leave before performing her part. The show must go on...

May 16, 2012

Joey's teacher (and Robbie's former—and favorite—teacher) retired, as did Joey's 1st grade teacher, also a favorite.

May 16, 2012

Robbie performed with the percussion ensemble at the Junior High, and it was awesome. I discovered that he was a soloist when I saw it listed on the program, and had to text Rob to come and bring the other kids. Teenagers! He did well, in spite of his cast.

May 16, 2012

Not really an end-of-school activity, but I had to include this photo of us cleaning the church because it's a classic. Reminds me of a church dinner we were at: Joey started freaking out because Rob got mad at him for taking multiple desserts before everyone had been served, and a nice ward member who witnessed the meltdown said, "Oh good, I thought your kids weren't normal, now I can see that they are." Yeah, that's it, normal.

May 19, 2012

Rob, planting the flowers, because that was something I was willing to let go.

May 19, 2012

Backman Family History night was extra exciting, with a solar eclipse.

May 20, 2012

Another band concert. Joey did an amazing job, especially considering how little he practiced his clarinet. :)

May 21, 2012

We are so lucky and grateful to have a great-grandma who is healthy and supportive.

May 21, 2012

The water polo awards dinner. Robbie and Jonas got a special mention as the only seventh-graders on the team.

May 21, 2012

Joey, as an Idaho Spud in the 6th grade 50 States assembly.

May 22, 2012

The junior high awards night—there are some AMAZING kids there! I'm glad that Robbie is one of them.

May 23, 2012

Joey, after a poetry reading with one of his best friends.

May 24, 2012

And, Ainsley's last day of kindergarten. Sigh.

May 24, 2012

She adored her teacher, Miss Newman/Mrs. Gunn. :)

May 24, 2012

Rob will be shocked that I posted this photo, which is not the least-flattering photo that has ever been taken of me, but is probably the least flattering photo I've ever posted. It's because as a scout leader I had to help with the court of honor, and gave the picture-taking duty to Ellie. She didn't take one of just Joey, but I don't want to skip his big achievement—we finally made it through the 30 days of exercises, so he earned his Tenderfoot!

May 31, 2012

Drumroll here, for the much anticipated last day of school. Yay! Here's Ellie:

June 1, 2012

And Joey:

June 1, 2012

He came home with what appeared to be an arm tattoo. He explained that he didn't want to ruin his shirt by having his classmates sign it.

June 1, 2012

Robbie not only survived his first year of junior high, he loved it.

June 1, 2012

We celebrated by making homemade pizzas.

June 1, 2012

Fun, but a lot of work and a big mess to clean up. Next year I need to remember that and we can just go out for dinner...

June 1, 2012

Overcoming Overwhelming.

A couple of years ago I decided to take a daily photo, and have managed to post 313 daily photo entries since then. But it just isn't fitting into my life right now, so I was excited when I saw this post about a project that seems a little more doable right now. The idea is to take (or narrow down to) twelve photos every month on the 12th, ending, of course, on 12-12-12.

I immediately loved the idea, and spent some time considering what 12 photos I wanted to take this month. Twelve things for which I'm grateful? That was nixed by Rob, who didn't want to have his photo taken. Twelve resolutions? Even I'm not that crazy. Twelve favorite things? I might do that one in a future month. For this month I decided to do a photo essay about my life right now. If you read my belated November entry, and noticed the still-missing-but-soon-to-come December report, you might (correctly) assume that I've been overwhelmed. I am working on overcoming that—here's how:

I'm a "half-empty" girl by nature, but I've learned that happiness really is a choice, and a result of positive, "half-full" thinking. So for each negative, dark thought, I try to find at least a silver lining.

Overwhelming is the cold, gray deadness of winter. Today was an exception, actually, with beautiful blue skies. Still, I don't even start feeling warm unless it's at least 72 degrees, and going outside in the inversion is pretty much the equivalent of smoking a pack, so I have a hard time wanting to go out and enjoy the much needed sunshine. Rob tells me he recently read an article stating that there is no scientific evidence for seasonal depression. Hmm, sounds like a man saying there is no such thing as PMS to me. :) My personal experience tells me that light, warmth and color all have a major impact on my sense of well-being.

Overcoming means a daily dose of Vitamin D. I do try to get outside as often as I can, but as it's dark and icy at 6:00 a.m., most of my walks get moved inside a gym on a treadmill. Again, I have only personal experience, not scientific evidence, but D3 seems to help me cope.

Overwhelming is illness, in its many forms. Today Ellie was home from school, after throwing up the night before. She's not one to tough it out, and spent a lot of time crying, sobbing and moaning. This isn't something that makes me (or Rob) very sympathetic, unfortunately, though it did break my heart when she told me that she thought she must have cancer and be dying. I reassured her about that, but couldn't do much about her sadness that she would not be receiving the perfect attendance award she'd hoped for this year.

Overcoming happens when a wonderful friend brings by 7-Up for your sick child so you don't have to leave her, and then stays to visit for an hour and lifts your spirits too. My good friend Jackie Moulton saved the day today, and although she's super modest, I talked her into sharing some of her wonderful poems at book group tonight. It was such a great evening, I came home feeling completely recharged, and so grateful for beautiful writing and amazing friends. I've struggled with multiple health challenges this year, with my back and eyes, and although it stinks, it may actually be worth it just to discover how generous and kind people are.

Overwhelming is being called to teach gospel doctrine. I'm intimidated by the idea of teaching people more experienced and well-read than I, and the sheer volume of available resources to help is more overwhelming than comforting. These are just a few of the books we have; there are enough online resources to keep me reading 40+ hours a week. (Speaking of online resources, I've started keeping my study notes on another blog: http://gospeldoctrinenotes.blogspot.com/). Yes, I shouldn't be complaining about feeling overwhelmed when I make work for myself. I figure I'm preparing anyway, so if it can help anyone else, great. Ideally I'll start posting my thoughts before the lesson, not after. :)

Overcoming is the realization that this is really the only essential reading. Reading the Book of Mormon has been one of the best tools I've discovered for coping with feelings of being overwhelmed. I am grateful to have a calling that motivates me to do this more regularly and with greater intensity.

Overwhelming is what I think when I consider the amount of cleaning and organizing that need to happen around here. I could have taken any number of photos for this—the piles of laundry waiting to be washed, folded and put away, or the messy storage room. The lockers seemed least objectionable, even though Rob had to warn Joey not to put an important assignment in his locker, so it wouldn't be lost in "the vortex of crap." It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Overcoming, for me, means doing a least a few household chores consistently. Starting the day with our bed made always makes me feel better, and Rob too, since he always makes a point of thanking me when I do it. I like clean surfaces, even if I know that a "vortex of crap" is lurking behind closed doors. One other mind trick that helps me when I'm overwhelmed with the mundane repetitiveness of it all, is to focus on the person (or people) I'm serving. Thinking of Ainsley while I fold her tiny, fancy, girly clothes always makes me smile.

Overwhelming: trying to help not just my own two boys, but a group of Webelos, and now 11 year-old boy scouts earn their rank advancements and merit badges. Anyone who read my Ode to Lois Banks will know what kind of standard I'm trying to live up to. It's a pretty big deal. Overwhelming pretty much sums it up.

Overcoming. Here's the thing though. I love this quote by Kahlil Gibran, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." I really want to be someone who makes a difference in other people's lives, the way I've seen Lois make a difference in Robbie's life. I don't think this is something that just happens without any effort. I hope I will make the most of this opportunity.

Overwhelming is feeling over-scheduled. My schedule is pretty relaxed compared to others. I know this, but also know myself well enough to know that I need down-time almost as much as I need clean counters. :) I want the kids to have opportunities to develop talents and discipline, so we're involved in piano, scouting, sports, ballet, sewing lessons, etc. I want to be involved in their education, and so I volunteer in their classrooms and help in the PTA. Yet I hate feeling like I don't have time to read, which restores me.

Overcoming: Although I love every opportunity to sit down and turn actual pages, when there just isn't time, I listen to audiobooks. There are many books that I actually prefer the audio version. The Harry Potter series, narrated by Jim Dale, is amazing; and The Help and Ender's Game were both better listening than reading. Today I finished a spy novel that Rob recommended, The Kill Artist, by Daniel Silva. Not very high-brow, just some suspense. Sometimes that's exactly what I need in my upward-spiral efforts. I almost never watch TV, but have just discovered the BBC's Downton Abbey, so I can add that to my guilty-pleasure escapism.

Whew. That's a long, semi-confessional post. One written mostly for my kids, since I hope it's a lesson they'll learn much earlier than I did. Anyone have any good ideas for next's month's twelve photos?

Deceivingly blank...

It's not the first time I've skipped blogging for a whole month. But this time I hardly took any photos, which is unusual. 288 photos, on only eight days. Here's what I captured:

1st

Robbie had a persistant cough for months, and was treated for infection and walking pneumonia with no results before I finally made an appointment with an allergist. It turns out he's not allergic or asthmatic, but the appointment still did the trick...he stopped coughing.

5th

It wasn't the first snow of the year, but maybe the deepest. Ellie and Ainsley played outside for hours.

11th

The elementary school was out for the day, so we staged a photo on 11/11/11 at 11:11 a.m.

19th

We were able to attend the Draper Temple, where Davy and Emma were sealed. Oh, and the Utes beat Washington State in overtime. :)

20th

Ralph told us about our Marsh ancestors at the Backman Family History Night.

21st

Ainsley lost her first tooth! The slacker tooth fairy didn't make an appearance for four whole days though...

24th

Thanksgiving! Our favorite holiday. We had a fabulous day and dinner in St. George at Ralph and Judy's. We were grateful to enjoy the company of Jake, the Stringhams, Grandpa & Grandma Backman, the Rasmussens and the Knaubs. It was my first year ever making my Grandma's fabulous candied yams, and they were a success!

25th

We had a fun game of dodgeball with the family. The kids told me earlier in the month that their favorite Thanksgiving tradition is going to St. George. No wonder, they spent hours playing outside with their cousins.

28th

We put up the Christmas tree a little early this year, since I was hostessing a Relief Society dinner on December 1st.

So, why the lack of photos? No, it was not restraint on my part. I was pretty much overwhelmed with daily responsibilities.

Here's what doesn't show up on this calendar: carpools, ballet lessons, piano lessons, early mornings at the gym, volunteering at the school, chess club, helping kids with homework x4, Webelos den meetings, pack meeting, Young Men's, volleyball, Achievement days, church, bishopric meetings, two book group meetings, primary practice & program, Beehive books, babysitting, SEPs, chiropractor, eye doctor, two birthday parties, PTA movie day, assembling 80 gifts for OJH piano donors and making dessert for the piano concert. Not to mention packing, unpacking, cleaning and trying to keep everyone fed & in clean clothes. More than I could fit on this little calendar, and stuff I'm trying to repress at this point.

Rob tells me my only New Year's resolution should be to say no. Of course then he called me to be a gospel doctrine teacher. No time commitment there. My first lesson was on December 6th, on...the Book of Revelation! So I also spent a couple of weeks in November preparing for that. Hard to believe I didn't fit in some time for blogging or Christmas cards. Maybe next November.

Brain Dump

I'm sort of OCD when it comes to cleaning and organizing. I never live up to my own standards, but maybe because it's spring, or maybe because we just helped Ralph & Judy move 40+ years worth of stuff, I'm in de-cluttering mode. I could start with my closet, my hard drive, my photos, my pantry, my storage room...but I've decided to sort and organize some of my thoughts. Most of them are mundane, a few of them are destructive, and there might be a couple I'd like to come back and develop later.

If you make it to the end of this post it's safe to say you are:

a) insanely bored,

b) a masochist,

c) a kindred spirit, or

d) all of the above.

So here goes. This is what has been on my mind recently.

1) The best decision I ever made was to marry Rob. I love it when he does little things to make me happy, like filling up my water bottle (with water from the refrigerator, not the tap, even though he swears there's no difference). When I went to put my shoes on this morning, I found some Girl Scout Thin Mints waiting for me. He thinks he's proving that he loves me the most, but he's just giving me more reasons to love him the most.

2) Books and friends are often my "inciting incidents." In a good way. There is a long blog post waiting here. If you've read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you'll probably get this.

3) I am tired. I am lazy. I need to lose weight. I need to be nicer to my kids. I'm clumping a lot of negative thoughts here that need to change into something productive or go away. Time to re-read The Feeling Good Book.

4) Most people are amazing. Sometimes I get this almost overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the people around me, even if I don't know them well.

5) WHY don't I do the things that I know will make me happy? I know that scripture study and exercise make my day, and that when it comes down to it, it's the things we do daily that really make a difference. How many times do I need to relearn these lessons to make them stick for good?

6) Listening to the scriptures while I'm doing the dishes or laundry really doesn't cut it. It may be better than nothing, but my thoughts always wander. On the scale of good/better/best, it is only good.

7) I love the stage of life I'm in right now. No totally dependent and high-maintenence babies, no teenagers who want to be totally independent, some time to myself, but family fun too. Sometimes I worry that this might be the peak, but I hope that I'll enjoy each stage as it comes.

8) Urgent v. Important. My to-do list is long, and most everything on it has been there for a while. Sometimes I'll get something on the list finished because I have a deadline (taxes, birthday, activity) that forces the issue. Most of them are not, so they get pushed back by the everyday need for order (dishes, laundry, dinner). I want to check off some of the things that are important. I need some inciting incidents. Also, so many of the things that are truly important (spending time with family, friends, scriptures, nature) are not even on my list. Would it help if I re-write my list? Again, why don't I do what I know?

9) Service. I need to move beyond "I want to do better at this" to a plan. Who, what, when, where, why, how... I also want to help my kids learn to love service, big or small. What are my passions, and how can I meld my service with them? Reading, photography, food, running, memories? I've done some service things with these, but need some more thinking (and action) here.

10) Disneyland. Ainsley's been sitting on my lap as I've been typing this, and we just had a conversation about all the fun things we'd be doing if we were there. There is definitely an element of "fakeness" there that made Rob and I think we would NEVER take our kids, and even if we did, we'd simply endure it for their sake. But we have loved it every time we've gone! This is probably in part because all of the urgent things disappear and some important family bonding happens. We've got $356 Disney reward dollars to spend...

11) I need to get our Washington D.C. trip planned. The plane tickets are booked but that is all. I've got some work to do.

12) I'd love to try laser hair removal, but I'm a chicken. And too cheap. Plus, I don't want to be shallow (even if I am).

13) What would I regret if I died? Or what would I do if I knew I only had a year to live? I just read The Council of Dads, written by a guy in that position. I would regret not finishing (or even starting) a scrapbook for Ainsley. I made a baby book (until age one) for Robbie and Joey, and got about half-way done with Ellie's before I quit scrapbooking. I actually prefer blogging, and the whole point for me is to leave them with memories and a sure knowledge of my love for them, so that's okay. But the comparison would always be there, and it is a tangible, made-especially-for-me-by-mom proof, and I want to get it done. I actually do have a plan to get started, which is a weekend in St. George with Melissa (and hopefully Judy) where we do nothing but scrapbook while watching chick flicks and ordering take-out. I can't wait.

14) Blogging. I have such mixed feelings about it. Sometimes I think it is a pain, a waste of time, way too exhibitionist for someone who prefers privacy and anonymity. But this line from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years sums up my reason for photo-journaling:

"[Bob] said he captures memories, because if he forgets them, it's as though they didn't happen; it's as though he hadn't lived the parts he doesn't remember."

It's kind of the philosophic question, "If a tree falls and no one hears it..." Here's my thinking. It falls, but it doesn't matter as much. My photo-journal is public only because I've been inspired and entertained by others blogs, and a few of you have been kind enough to tell me you like reading mine too.

15) Self-doubt. Hmm, should I even push the publish button? Maybe I should have left out the bolded parts? Why would I put this out there? What was I thinking? Rob is going to think this is cheesy.

16) Simplicity. I have a way of over-analyzing everything. Can you tell? I love the idea of yoga, meditation or just focusing on breathing as a way to turn off my brain, but rarely do it. Maybe it's time for that now...

So, what's on your mind? Vent with me.

Intentions vs. Reality

When I went to the store today I picked up a bottle of green nail polish—I figured it'd be a fun surprise for them and some bonding time for us. But by the time we finished homework, dinner, showers and hair, it was their bedtime, and apparently past mine, because I was a grouch. I kept telling them (and not in a nice way) to "Quit wiggling," "Stop being silly" and "Don't touch anything, because I don't want to have to redo this!" Then, instead of doing something to make them smile naturally for the obligatory photo, I growled, complained and sulked: "Fine, I guess if you don't like the polish enough to look at me and smile, I won't buy any more." Poor girls. Somehow they managed to be happy about the polish in spite of their impatient, tired mom. Maybe the thought counts for something.

Another tantrum

I had a great idea for a long rainy afternoon—a readathon. My kids love these at school, and so when I picked them up, I suggested we head to the library for books and then stop at the store so they could pick out a treat, after which I envisioned us all cozied up with our books during the storm. They loved the idea, but it didn't pan out.

While we were checking out Ellie and Ainsley started fighting over one of the books, and then Ellie completely lost it when we had to put a few on Joey's card because I was over my limit. Just for the record, the library is pretty much the worst place for a meltdown. I'm pretty sure every single person there was watching, or at least listening to us. Of course I had told them before we went in that we'd get treats IF they were well-behaved, so I couldn't reward her for her outburst, which then escalated the problem. She didn't stop for what seemed like forever, but was probably more like an hour. She wouldn't stay in her room, but had to stand right next to me for her histrionic screaming, so I pulled out the camera again, hoping she'd remember watching her last tantrum and our discussion about it. But no such luck, she just hid and freaked out even more.

We never had any "terrible twos" or threes with her. I thought we were in the clear. Now I'm hoping that "shocking six" doesn't continue into her seventh year too. I think my mom's curse (that I'd have a child just like me) may be coming true. That doesn't bode well for the teenage years. :)

Resolutions revisited

Supposedly accountability is key in achieving goals. So I posted three of mine on January 1st.

Here's an update on how things are going so far:

1) Read the Old Testament—I figured that I'd need to read 5 pages a day, with about 60 days built in to slack off. Well, I've now used all of my slacking days and then some. So far I'm only on page 19. But I'm on page 238 of my commentary book, which has been helpful. So I've re-figured, and if I read 6 pages a day, I can still accomplish this goal. Of course if I want to understand what I'm reading there's a lot of commentary pages on top of that. I think I'll try to do this reading before I let myself read anything else. If that doesn't work nothing will.

2) Another marathon—I'm not doing great on this one either. I signed up for the Moab half-marathon and bailed because six weeks of being sick really took a toll on my training. But I've got my plan for St. George and am keeping my fingers crossed for the lottery. Still plenty of time for this one.

3) Photo of the day—YES, one goal that I feel really good about. I don't always get my photo posted on the day I took it, but overall this is working. I love that I'm capturing more of our daily life, and not just the big events. Also, it's so much easier to take five minutes a day than to feel overwhelmed because I need to catch up. There have been days that I haven't been in the mood or have been at a loss for something to photograph, but again, that just corroborates the real life experience that I'm trying to document.

Friday night grocery shopping

Pretty lame, I know. But infinitely better than going to Costco on a Saturday. Maybe someday my grandkids will look at this photo and be amazed that I could purchase all this for only $263. Just so they know what I got for my money, here's the list: 5 lbs. flour, 5 lbs. sugar, 6 lbs. powdered sugar, 16 oz. unsweetened chocolate, 16 granola bars, 1 package Ritz crackers, 1 bottle celery seed, 1 bottle ground coriander, 1 bottle ground mustard, 2 bags of chips, 2 containers of fresh salsa, 1 package of chocolate chips, 1 gallon of milk, 1 quart of buttermilk, 2 packages of frozen spinach, 84 Rhodes rolls, 1 can of shaving gel, 3 lbs. Italian sausage, 3 lbs. ground beef, 4 lbs. bananas, 2 lbs. red grapes, 2 bell peppers, 2 heads of garlic, 5 yellow onions, 3 lbs. of carrots, 5 lbs. potatoes, 15 lbs. grapefruit, 5 lbs. cheddar cheese, 1 lb. fresh parmesan, 250 dryer sheets, 200 plastic cups, 165 dinner plates, 30 rolls of toilet paper, 1 jug of Clorox 2, 6 Clorox toilet cleaner tablets, 2 bottles Tilex cleaner, 4 lbs. butter, 2 loaves of bread, and 2 flashlights. Any bets on how long I can hold off another trip to the store?

Can your six year-old throw a tantrum for 1.5 hours?

Ours can. We're so proud. Technically this isn't a photo, but it's what I've got today.

The major disconnect here is that she brought home a perfect report card today. Perfect as in all "fives" both academically and in citizenship for this trimester and last. So I guess we're the problem.

Too busy to blog

I'm backdating this entry—blogging was not in my top 100 thing to do the day before we left. Here are a few things that did make that list:

1. Instructions for our babysitters, Lupita and Jason Kyle. Six pages detailing the kids schedules, routines, jobs, food, contact info, etc. It was a validating yet overwhelming experience to write down what it takes to run this household. I decided we weren't paying them enough. Being the mom just isn't a job that pays off monetarily.

2. A pedicure. I dropped Ainsley off at Melissa's (THANK YOU!) and met my grandma. I ended up adding a manicure too. Definitely the highlight of my day.3. Taking and developing photos of the brownies I made at midnight the night before for the boys' science fair project. We had just found out that the science fair was moved up to the 10th instead of the 18th, so everything needed to be done before we left. If you want to get me riled up, just tell me that you agree that teachers should REQUIRE kids to participate in the science fair. This new deadline development also led to the next thing on my to-do list.

4. Doing my best to resist swearing like a sailor. I know, we were leaving on a cruise, so I could have used the practice, but I tried to restrain myself.

5. A visit to the pediatrician's office—Robbie's sore throat turned out to be strep, so it's a good thing we went. Ainsley was coughing, but her strep test came back negative.
6. Haircuts for all four kids. I probably could have put this off, but I was hoping that it'd make things easier for our babysitters. Robbie and Joey don't need to have their hair sprayed and combed when it's cut short.

7. Laundry. Washed everything, including the sheets on our bed. I figured that we could just sleep on top of the comforter. As it turned out, I was up packing until 5:15 a.m. and Rob slept on the couch in the basement, where it was semi-quiet and dark.

8. Cleaning. I had hoped to leave the house spotless and organized, but had to settle for picked-up and vacuumed (total disclosure: a chore I delegated to the kids).

9. Ordered pizza. It was either that or cold cereal, and since Lupita was coming over, I went with pizza.

10. Tour/orientation/brain dump. I did my best not to frighten and overwhelm Lupita, but it was too late for her to back out anyway. :)

11. Picked up Robbie's prescription. While I was waiting I ran across the street and got a spray-on tan. I was still pale, but not totally pasty.

12. Went home, gave Robbie his medication, put the kids in bed.

13. Grocery shopping. Went to Target, and had to leave when they closed at 11:00.

14. Started packing. Still had laundry going at this point too. Everything was taking twice as long since I was so tired.

15. Organized the kids presents. I got them something small to open at the end of each day, as a reward for good behavior and comfort while we were away.

16. Bills. Just had a couple to get in the mail before we left.

17. Figured out which books to take. For the record, I took:

Gift From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh.

U is for Undertow by Sue Grafton.

These is My Words by Nancy E. Turner.

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier.

The Samurai's Garden by Gail Tsukiyama.

I only read the first three out of five. I was happy with my choices.

18. Finished packing. I worked in one short hour of sleep between 5:15 and 6:15 a.m.

19. Decided that I would need all seven days to recover from getting ready to go.